Friendships: Squad or Nah?

A couple weeks ago I took my first trip to Cancun, Mexico, to celebrate a family member’s birthday. Of course the resort was beautiful with its beachfront views and array of palm trees, but a couple things caught my attention more than this unfamiliar island scenery.

First, the melanin was seriously on fleek. I was surprised to see so many black people, especially black couples, when our flight landed in Cancun. From getting oh-so chocolatey poolside to parasailing above the Caribbean Sea, beautiful black people were everywhere living their best #blacktravel lives, and I was here for it.

A second sight that stood out to me was the many groups of black women traveling together. Some had on their Flosse Posse t-shirts while others proudly turned up for the soon-to-be bride of their group.

Now, this trip was my third time traveling abroad with my husband, so going on vacation with a man isn’t super new to me. But as I’d pass by a group of girlfriends lounging at the pool or see another group chatting away at dinner, I suddenly realized that Mexico wasn’t my only uncharted territory.

Moment of transparency:

I have never been on a girlfriends’ trip. I have never traveled with a group of girlfriends, or taken a besties’ road trip, or even met up for a staycation with close friends.

And since I’m telling all my little business, I might as well rip off this last “truth telling” band-aid: Although I have always desired this, I’ve never had my own girlfriends’ group. And this has often led me to struggle with insecurities and loneliness in the friendship area.

You see, I absolutely love community and connecting with people! My personality is super outgoing and developing deep connections is one of the most valuable things in my life. I love conversations, and hanging out with like-minded people truly energizes and inspires my creativity.

So, for as long as I can remember, I have always desired a group of girlfriends. Some of my favorite TV shows to this day are Sex & the City, Living Single, and A Different World because I was drawn to the friendships within each show.

In high school, I had plenty of friends, but I didn’t belong to any one group. In college, my closest friends lived in different states and didn’t necessarily hang with one another, and the new connections I made near me were all older people who had already graduated and stayed busy with their 9-5s.

I lived in four different cities in my 20s, so I was blessed to make friends in different areas but I still wasn’t part of a group. And now that I have entered my 30s, I’m in a different stage of my life (marriage, entrepreneurship) while living in a completely new region of the country, so it’s a no-brainer that I still have yet to find my core group.

This may not seem like a big deal since I’m openly writing about this, but my struggles with this unmet desire have severely impacted me over the years.

Every girl needs their tribe, right? And everywhere you go, you see things that promote friendships, relationships, not doing life alone, and the importance of having your people. And it’s not just the movies, TV shows, and social media bombarding these messages to you; it’s pretty easy to look around and see people you know who have their own tribes, groups, or communities.

I’m grateful for the many connections and friends I have made over the years, but never having one solid group often left me feeling isolated even in the midst of being connected. And many times I would question myself and God about my lack:

Why don’t I have a squad?

Why didn’t I deserve a bride tribe of close friends?

What’s wrong with me that I can’t have a consistent group of ladies to “do life” with?

Why does it always feel like I never belong?

Honestly, it’s difficult for me to write these questions because the vulnerability that comes with voicing your struggles can be overwhelming, especially when it’s about desiring close friendships. Most people are comfortable with expressing the accepted struggles of anxiety, fear, weight loss, and even substance abuse, but battling loneliness and depression because you don’t have close friends? Probably not high up on the prayer request list.

Yet, God has been tugging at my heart for a while now to write this blog post, because although it often feels like it, I cannot be the only person who has dealt or is dealing with this.

Are you someone who lacks a tribe? Do you wish you had close, dependable friendships? Do you feel isolated and long for a community where you can belong? If so, I want to pray for you.

I know the confusion, sadness, jealousy (let’s keep it real, y’all), and loneliness that come with feeling like you don’t have community. I know the difficulty in seeing others “belong” as you keep praying for true friends. 

As much of a burden this has been for me over the years, I truly believe the void in this area of my life has a greater purpose. If I never valued and desired friendships, I would’ve never started this organization to connect other peculiar people who are also in need. I would’ve never written this blog post and hopefully impacted someone who is struggling. And I would’ve never had the chance to pray for those currently reading this who are in need.

Dear God,

Thank you for the person reading these words. Thank you that not only do they matter to you; their heart’s desires matter to you as well. God, we know you care about community, and we ask that you would surround the reader with a supportive, loving, dependable, and trustworthy community of friends to live life with. Please restore everything that has been broken in their relationships, and equip this reader to be the type of friend that they desire, first to you, God, and then to others. Satisfy their longing to belong, knowing that the reader always has a home in you. We thank you in advance for healthy bonds and joy-filled connections that bring the reader closer to you.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen