It’s June, and the third Sunday is getting closer and closer.

I still haven’t bought one, so I head to the store and make my way to the card aisle. My eyes scan the different options.

“To the man who has taught our family so much . . .” Nope.

“For the best man I know . . .” Next.

“Dad, you’ve always been there for us . . .” SMH. Definitely not. 

“To the world’s #1 dad . . .” Sigh.

I am exhausted as I keep looking through the cards, and it’s not because this task is physically demanding. It’s because every year around this particular holiday I go through the same thing.

Picking the “right” Father’s Day card can be mentally draining, especially when your relationship doesn’t reflect the sentimental Hallmark greetings in most cards. Sure, I love the beautiful words written to recognize the many fathers out there, but oftentimes I wish the card section offered a wider variety. And by “wider” I mean a more realistic one. Something like:

Dad, I know that you aren’t a man of many words, and although as a child I would’ve liked to connect emotionally with you, as an adult I now understand that your providing demonstrated your care for me. Thank you for loving me in the way you knew how.

Or . . .

Although we did not have the closest bond during my childhood, I am thankful we are now working on our relationship.

Or even . . .

Dad, thanks for being there me . . . sometimes.

Okay, the last one was perhaps too real, but you get what I am saying. Father’s Day cards that more accurately reflect the wide variety of father-child relationship dynamics would be greatly appreciated. Because although many people are blessed to have a loving, positive relationship with their fathers, many more folks are not.

Take me, for example: I was raised by my mother, but I lived with my dad for one school year (4th grade) and visited him for a short time here and there during summer breaks. Although I was very close with my dad’s side of the family, I was not as close with my dad. For starters, he lived in California while I grew up in Ohio. Our relationship also had its hiccups from me being his oldest and only child outside his current marriage, which produced three other children.

Although we talked on the phone, I didn’t grow up feeling that my dad was very present in my life. So, of course, I didn’t feel as close, supported, or even as loved by him as my other siblings did. And it wasn’t until my mid-20s—after some difficult but honest conversations—that I began to really develop a connection and relationship with him.

I also have a stepdad, and like most men, he isn’t the affectionate type. So, on top of being disconnected from my dad, I was also disconnected from the male figure that I grew up with. And then you add years and years of hurts and offenses from both men, and you can clearly see why I don’t flock to the #1 Dad cards.

Sadly, I know there are a lot of men and women who not only can relate but who have also experienced worse.

I was telling my cousin about my idea for writing this blog post after another struggle in my Father’s Day card search. She was quiet as she gathered her thoughts before speaking.

“I understand,” she said. “But what about when you don’t have anyone to buy a Father’s Day card for?” Although I had experienced my fair share of father-related trauma, I could never fully grasp that type of pain.

Some people began life with their dad and then he abandoned the family and them.

Others know who their dad is but don’t have a relationship because their dad doesn’t want one.

And others have never even seen the man in part responsible for giving them life.

I know someone who wouldn’t recognize their father if they saw him on the street. Someone else I know has a dad who lives nearby but refuses to acknowledge them. And someone else who only hears from their dad every few years and when they do it’s because he needs something.

Although this complicated and oftentimes dysfunctional father-child relationship is a common reality, it doesn’t make it any easier.

So, as we approach Father’s Day this year, I want to acknowledge the many different ways people may experience this holiday. It’s a time of honor, celebration, and appreciation for some. And that is a true blessing that should be enjoyed. It’s a time of pain and sorrow for others who remember the fathers who have passed or those who are still living but are intentionally absent.

This holiday may bring a sense of rejection for some as they’re reminded of their lack of a relationship with their dads, and still others may be indifferent altogether.

However you experience Father’s Day, I hope you can be comforted knowing that no matter how good or not so good your earthly dad is, your heavenly Father is greater.

Our biological fathers may make mistakes, our stepfathers may be distant. Sometimes our uncles aren’t dependable and our other male role models will inevitably let us down . . . but God, our true Father, never will. Even the most upright, supportive, and loving earthly father is only able to properly fulfill this role because of our true Father’s grace.

Never forget that God is a father to the fatherless who promises to never leave or forsake us.

And I’ll give you one better . . . He doesn’t even need a card.