A few weeks ago, I met this fabulous older black woman while waiting in the restroom line at DFW airport.

She had on a long dress with heels (panty hose, of course!) and a serious fur vest that tied her look together. But what stood out to me the most was her hair—a beautiful, fluffy crown of silver curls.

“You look really nice,” I smiled at her, admiring how her “put together” look cast shame on my I-travel for-comfort-not-cuteness sweats.

“Oh, thank you,” she nodded through her mask. A few quiet seconds passed as we stepped closer to the front of the line. Then, the woman turned back to me.

 “Natural hair is so hard. I have this many products and none of them work.” She stretched her arms as wide as they could go and shook her head in defeat.

“I know it isn’t easy,” I agreed. “It takes a while to find the right products, but it gets better once you finally do. Your hair looks great! Hang in there.”

She shook her head in disagreement as she pointed to her beautiful curls. “I can’t even get these to stay,” she sighed.

“Your hair really does look good,” I reassured her. “You’re doing a good job.”

Her eyes showed skepticism for a second, but eventually she obliged.

“Thank you,” she nodded. “I appreciate your kind words.”

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I thought about our brief conversation as I headed back to my seat. Although our age differences were years apart, I could still relate to this woman’s experience.

The uncertainty in her eyes.

The discouragement in her voice.

The lack of confidence in her hairstyle.

As a black woman with natural hair, I know these things all too well.

This natural hair lifestyle isn’t easy; in fact, most naturals can agree that our hair keeps us on the struggle bus—daily.

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• You (and your bank account) cannot keep up with the amount of natural products out there. So many leave-in conditioners, creams, custards, shampoos, and gels promising to finally give you the definition and elongation you dream of.
• 4C, 3B, low porosity, kinky curly, coily, wavy . . . with so many options, how can I know my hair type? And if that’s not confusing enough, you’re telling me I can have various types of textures? Jesus, take the wheel.
• The day in Wash day is for real. Don’t bother trying to accomplish anything else.
• And don’t get me started on combating shrinkage, relieving dry scalp, expensive and time consuming protective styling, and the constant frustrations when your hair doesn’t turn out like your favorite YouTube guru’s.

And these only scratch the surface. Rocking natural hair challenges more than our physical capabilities.

Although the older black woman I’d met slayed us all that day, I guarantee that how she perceived her hair affected her confidence. Hair is highly valued by most women, but I think it’s more serious for us black naturalistas.

Wearing our hair in its natural state is still relatively new; I’ve been natural for nine years, which sounds like a long time, but that’s only a small portion of my life. And when you constantly face challenges understanding, caring for, and styling this “new” type of hair it’s much more difficult to feel confident in your appearance.

Wearing a natural crown doesn’t always make black women feel like royalty.

Sometimes it’s the complete opposite, and that is why my encounter with my fellow natural that day helped me realize our need for support.

Black natural women need to encourage one another, especially in a society that doesn’t prioritize uplifting our beauty.

We know the ups and downs of natural hair, so why not encourage black naturalistas when we see each other? 

Your hair looks good!

Love your hair!

Your twist out is popping!

Loving your natural!

No matter how you express it, offering uplifting words to a natural woman can go a long way.

As a natural, I’m challenging myself to affirm the black natural women I see, and I hope others will do the same because whether she has twist outs down to a science or just worked up the courage to do the big chop, all women need reassurance along their natural journeys.