I have always tried to support black-owned businesses whenever possible. And not only that but I have sought out black business owners specifically because I wanted someone who I could relate to.

I have tried black hair stylists, black doctors, black therapists, black photographers and mechanics, and of course, black restaurateurs. And I have had my range of positive and negative experiences.

Now, I’m not one to write reviews (although I appreciate those who do) except in cases where 1) it’s required (think after an AirBnB stay) or 2) the feedback is for a business owner with whom I have personal ties or strongly care about boosting that establishment’s reputation (for example, my local church or a small business).

But I have noticed that when it comes to my experiences with black businesses, I will praise them in a heartbeat but I never leave negative reviews, even when they are warranted.

It’s almost as if I feel that there’s no possible way that I could or should ever say anything negative about a black-owned business or black professional. Here’s a recent example:

Two months ago I moved to a new city and sought out a gynecologist for my annual women’s exam. I had a few personal things I hoped to discuss with the doctor, so I looked for a black woman.

The doctor I found was black, highly trained, and she and the facility she worked in had rave reviews. She’s the one, I thought. She should be able to relate to me.

On the day of my appointment, I waited quite some time before the doctor saw me. From the start she seemed to be in a hurry and unfocused. As I attempted to talk to her about an issue, she came off as uninterested and failed to offer me any solutions. I tried to tell her about some research that I’d conducted, which she brushed off and simply told me she would prescribe something. Yet, she failed to explain what this new pill was and how it would help me.

So, I am annoyed at this point as she begins the physical exam. The entire time she’s complaining to her assistant how her phone keeps going off. Before I know it, I here the doctor say, “I gotta go” and when I look up she’s gone.

I mean I’m laying across the exam table, legs still open and the doctor is nowhere to be found.

Her assistant comes into the room and tells me that the doctor had to rush to help with a baby delivery, so I could get dressed. I told her that I still had some things I had hoped to address with the doctor, and her assistant explained that I could either wait or she would leave a note for her. My annoyance chose the latter.

I also asked her assistant about the new prescription, only to discover that the doctor hadn’t written it. So, now we’re adding another thing to this follow-up note. This was followed by even more issues:

• Her office never sent me my test results. I had to call them weeks later and ask about them.
• Her assistant sent my prescription to the wrong pharmacy.
• When I finally picked up the prescription, I discovered that the doctor had prescribed the same medication I was currently using (and the reason I had sought her help to get off it).

S.M.H.

Yet, even with how annoyed and disappointed I was in this doctor’s lack of bedside manner, I hesitated when I received a “Give us your feedback on Dr. So-and-So!” email from her office.

I couldn’t possibly tell them how horrible she was and defame this black woman. That was out of the question.

But why?

Why have I felt guilty at the thought of telling the truth when it comes to a negative experience with a black-owned business?

Why do I shy away from offering constructive feedback even when I believe the person would benefit from it? Why has this been my habit as a customer for so many years?

2013: I failed to leave a truthful review after a black mechanic (and fellow church member) put a refurbished alternator in my car although he charged me for a new one. I was left stranded on the side of the highway one day after he “fixed” my car, and he had the nerve to catch an attitude and say this was the last time he was working on it after I had it towed back to his shop. Don’t want to bring down a black man and my fellow Christian though.

2016: I failed to leave a truthful review when the black dermatologist I drove an hour to see rolled her eyes and told me that I needed to wash my hair more to prevent acne. Yes, she did a lot of rude things that day, but I can’t talk badly about my black sista.

2018: I kept quiet after the second photographer that my wedding photographer hired (to assist him) sent a “sneak peek” of my wedding pictures to my brother-in-law BEFORE our photographer had sent my husband and I photos. And then when my husband later asked her for a photo she posted to Instagram (that was not included in our package) she had the audacity to say he needed to ask our lead photographer because she doesn’t have permission to share his photos. She was absolutely out of order and unprofessional, but she’s a black woman, she has a child, and this is her job. I can’t go leaving bad feedback and mess with her coins, right?

I recently shared my frustrations with a friend who then told me how a black business owner wouldn’t return his calls after the man left my friend’s yard unfinished.

“Would you have left him a review?” I had asked. Like me, my friend said he rarely leaves reviews, but even if this business had a website he probably wouldn’t have written one because he was a black man.

Our conversation opened my eyes. Black people have this unspoken connection and sense of relation that I’m not sure other races have. When one suffers, we all feel pain. When one succeeds, we all take pride.

This connectedness comes with a sense of responsibility for the wellbeing of our black brothers and sisters. Most black people feel like it’s our duty to support one another and doing anything that could cause harm to our community, such as negative reviews leading to loss of business and profit, is unthinkable. Besides, black-owned businesses already struggle to compete with their white counterparts, even when highly rated.

But, could it be that our seeming protection is really a hindrance to our black brothers and sisters? Our failure to speak up and provide truthful constructive criticism and feedback could prevent our black businesses from making the necessary adjustments to have a successful business in the long run.

Let’s be real black people; sometimes we are simply too comfortable when it comes to customers who look like us.

You understand and you know how it is should not cause our customer service or professionalism to slack when dealing with black consumers. Black businesses should desire to operate with excellence and provide the highest-quality service, period. Because, trust, where we fail to speak up, others will have no problem using their words and withdrawing their dollars to express dissatisfaction.

I don’t think we have to publicly blast our black business owners; we can support their efforts while still offering constructive feedback, even if it’s through a personal email or message versus a review.

I took my own advice and decided to share my truths with that doctor’s office.

Although not demeaning or accusatory, I did not withhold my disappointment as her new patient. I still felt uneasy as I hit “submit” but I would feel worse knowing that yet again I had the opportunity to really support my fellow black woman but let fear stop me.

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Have you ever second guessed leaving a truthful review for a black-owned business? Share your story in the comments section!